WIN BY DEFAULT
A m/m novel by Elenna Tylor
Jason's arms tightened around the older man and he closed his eyes as he dredged up unwelcome memories of his own to find a way to offer Windsor some consolation.
"Devon, I spent so many years of my life resenting my dad because he wasn't around. One of the things you taught me was to see that he did the best he could. You did the best you could for Kelsey. You kept her safe by hurting yourself, just like Dad did. I didn't understand for a long time that the time he was away hurt him as much as it did me. But, I never stopped loving him, Devon. Maybe Kelsey always knew who you were, but she didn't want you to feel guilty about her? You loved her, Devon. The rest of it doesn't really matter."
Windsor heard the words and he felt the love that went into them. When did you get so smart, kid? He wondered silently. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall in quiet grief for the child he'd lost, and for the young man who refused to be left behind. He moved closer to Jason as his hold tightened and he realized how secure he felt with the young blond next to him. It was ironic really; he spent so much of his time making sure the kid was safe that he never stopped to notice that Jason made him feel safe simply by loving him. He was in tears, bearing his soul with shocking ease, and completely vulnerable to anything that Jason could say to him -- but all he felt was secure and protected.
Jason continued to stroke the soft hair touching his cheek where it rested against Devon's head. The older man was leaning on his shoulder and the Jason felt only the quiet strength that had surged through him as Devon's tears fell. He'd never seen Windsor cry before, not for something in his own life, and Jason wanted desperately to ease some of the tremendous pain he could feel in the older man. He shifted away from Devon just enough to be able to turn on his side and stare into the soft brown of Windsor's eyes. He looked into his lover's face for a long time, his eyes taking in every subtle change wrought by the pain and loss of the past month. His gaze moved to the slightly open mouth and he leaned forward to cover Devon's lips with his.
Windsor met the tentative caress with gentle care, flowing into the warmth he'd wanted so much during the past month. The pressure of Jason's kiss slowly became a demand and Devon sucked the kid's tongue deep into his mouth as he rolled over and settled on top of the young blond. After endless minutes, he finally drew back to stare down into the dazed blue eyes. His fingertips traced the familiar features, lingering over the slightly trembling lips before he bent to cover Jason's mouth again. The kid's arms slipped around his waist and the young man's hips rose beneath him. Devon thrust into the restless arch of Jason's body and the kid answered the motion with equal force as he tugged at the robe Windsor was wearing.
Devon pulled away from the embrace and stood up, keeping his hold on Jason's eyes as he opened the robe and let it slip off his shoulders. He gave his briefs a tug and had them discarded with the robe seconds later, a ripple of reaction running the length of his spine as his fully erect cock was freed from the confining material. Jason's eyes travelled over him slowly, and the intensity of the young man's gaze warmed Devon. He held out his hand to Jason and the kid crawled off the bed. He hesitated a moment, then smiled. Windsor didn't move as he watched his young partner quickly take off his clothes.
Jason climbed back on the bed and stretched out in the centre of it. Devon's appreciative look caressed every inch of him, his heartbeat growing steadily faster as his mind was filled with the remembered feel of the slender body straining with his. Windsor shivered as he got back on the bed and settled over Jason with deliberate slowness. The shudder of response when they were finally pressed against each other rocked them both. Devon ran his tongue over Jason's lips and was startled slightly when the young man's teeth closed over his bottom lip and tugged gently. Jason's tongue slid between his lips when he answered the wordless demand with the firm pressure of his mouth covering his lover's.
Devon's hands began to roam, rediscovering the smooth, curving contours of Jason's body, and he felt the loss of weight beneath his sensitive touch. Slender by nature, Jason was noticeably thinner than he'd been the last time Devon made love to him. He dismissed the reminder of his absence, and he concentrated on the gentle caresses Jason was trailing along the side of his neck.
Devon eased away just enough to give his hands access to the muscular chest, and he ran barely perceptible touches over the flat surface of Jason's stomach, and then stopped to tease at the hard nipples. He lowered his mouth to one of the taut tips and began to suck gently as his hand slid into the soft golden hair at the base of the kid's cock. His fingers ran over the smooth shaft several times, bringing a sudden strain into his young partner's breath.
Jason felt the spasm of pleasure arc through his entire body as he reacted to the passion Devon's touch always incited within him. God! He'd missed this so much. It had never felt quite as good to be held by anyone other than Windsor. He'd never loved anyone as intensely as he did Devon, and he knew that was where the difference lay. Even when he'd been with Jenny, he hadn't felt any of the almost torturing aches he was feeling now. A shudder of dread chilled the rush of warm excitement he was experiencing, and he felt an overwhelming surge of guilt.
To Windsor's astonishment, instead of the anticipated arch of pleasure, Jason began to shake his head and squirm out of his grasp.
"I can't, Devon."